Last week I went to Santa Rosa to see a retina specialist. My vision has been declining again, and of course I have been pondering losing my sight. And I have been wondering just how broad God thinks my shoulders are. How, I wonder, will I get around if I can’t see to drive my power wheelchair? How much smaller will my world become?
I have tried to be calm, confident and practical. I applied for a new paratransit card, just in case I wouldn’t be able to drive any longer. (I learned I really shouldn’t drive at night.) I found our town has a Lighthouse for the Blind where I can learn new skills. I’ve been working on an embroidery for my husband for Father’s Day. I am having trouble distinguishing the colors in it, so I want to finish it now, just in case I can’t do that kind of work any longer. And I’ve been savoring all the beauty I see around me, trying to hold fast to each memory.
I received good news. The medical retina specialist referred me to the surgical retina specialist in her office, and both felt that an operation could help me. I will undergo surgery on my left eye in late June. A layer of my macula will be peeled away, and fluid drained from behind the macula. In three to four months my vision should improve. And if the first surgery goes well, I will have surgery on my right eye a few months later. There is reason to hope.
I have worried, but not excessively. I know that no matter what happens to me, God has things well in hand. While the thought of losing my sight is daunting, it is nothing that can’t be handled. I’ve learned to live my life in a power wheelchair, and drive a ramp van. I’ve learned to live with pain as my companion. I’ve learned that I can no longer do as much in a day as I used to, and learned to be happy with what I can do. I’ve learned that what I do, as little as it might seem to me, makes a difference in the world, and that gives meaning to my life. And that is enough.
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts;
so I am helped, and my heart exults,
and with my song I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:7
Thank you, Dear God, for caring for us. Thank you for your constant companionship, for sharing our journeys, for carrying us when we are weak, for encouraging us when we feel hopeless. With you all things are indeed possible. Amen.